• My Own Demise

    by  • September 27, 2010 • Disappointment, Forgiveness, Frustration, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Regret, Self-Esteem, Sorry • 0 Comments

    I realize that I have issues. I know exactly what is wrong with me. I went to college to figure that out. Now I know there is nothing I can do to fix myself.

    My biggest fear is that you will soon realize that I am beyond what you can handle. I am too emotional, too depressed, too cynical. I hardly have any love for myself. I gave it all to you.

    I’m afraid of losing you. And the worst part is knowing that it would be entirely my own fault. I am truly my own worst enemy. I am my own demise.

    I just want to tell you I am truly sorry for wasting your time these past nine months. It was the best nine months I have ever had. But in the end, I fear it will be wasted for you. Because all I seem capable of doing is ruining everything good in my life. Including you. And I hope you can forgive me someday.

    Maybe someday I can just be happy. Just be happy and not paranoid of the inevitable pain that follows. Just live in the moment of joy.

    Maybe someday I will make you happy, and give you all the wonderful things you

    Maybe someday, I won’t be constantly tearing myself down.

    I’m sorry to you, and to everyone who loves me. Because even as I write this letter, I am hurting myself and in turn, hurting all those who have ever cared for me.

    Forgive me, everyone.
    Forgive me, God.
    I’m sorry.

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