We’ve been distant. Let me fill you in.
I smile. I act composed and happy every single day. I have everything and more, I have every reason to be happy.
But… Truth is, I’m falling apart on the inside. I want to scream and cry until I physically can’t anymore. I want to run away and escape everything I know.
I’m carrying this heavy weight, and it feels like with each day, a little piece of me breaks off and is gone. I’m losing myself and there’s nothing I can do to hold on to her.
I can’t recall the last time a smile of mine was genuine. I can’t recall the last time I spoke the truth when someone asked “how are you?”. I can’t recall the last time I felt hope. What a terrible thing to lose, hope.
I’m trying to look forward to the future, but honestly I can’t. I can’t look past this pain and this weight on my chest. I can’t breathe. Nothing is okay. I’m so blessed, so why am I feeling like this? Why do I come home each day and cry myself to sleep dreading the next? Why do I feel so alone?
God, if you are listening. I need you. I really really need you.