I’m trying so hard to get over you.
I don’t know why it’s so hard. I think it’s because you chose her when I was so sure you never would. You were the guy who wouldn’t date, but now you date her. I think about it every day.
I avoid your facebook like it would physically hurt me if i were to stumble upon it. I actually think it might. I lay awake at night going over and over what I could have done to make you choose me. And I know in my heart that there was nothing I could have done. It was always going to be her. I want more than anything to say “f*ck it, he’s not worth it. I’m better than her. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
But how can I feel that way when every guy has chosen another girl. I am heartbroken. I just want to know what’s wrong with me. I want someone to give me a goddamn straight answer. There has to be a reason I’m alone. There has to be a reason I’ve never experienced the feeling of holding someone’s hand through the halls of my old high school, or felt the thrill of a kiss of pure love, or made love to someone I couldn’t get enough of.
I’m young, but I’m lonely. I’m so much more lonely than I let on. Every weekend, when the house is empty, I want to cry. But I’m not allowed even that small release, I’m incapable of crying, at least currently.
I love my family, I love my friends, but the emptiness is constantly felt. All I want is to love someone with all my heart, and to be loved. I want someone to be consumed with their love for me. I’m done being single. I don’t enjoy random hookups. All I want is to find someone who appreciates me. I want to be the one the guy will always choose. The one he can’t get over.
I want to be happy again.