• I’m trying

    by  • September 27, 2010 • * Safe for Work *, Frustration, Grief, Loneliness, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning • 2 Comments

    I’m trying so hard to get over you.

    I don’t know why it’s so hard. I think it’s because you chose her when I was so sure you never would. You were the guy who wouldn’t date, but now you date her. I think about it every day.

    I avoid your facebook like it would physically hurt me if i were to stumble upon it. I actually think it might. I lay awake at night going over and over what I could have done to make you choose me. And I know in my heart that there was nothing I could have done. It was always going to be her. I want more than anything to say “f*ck it, he’s not worth it. I’m better than her. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

    But how can I feel that way when every guy has chosen another girl. I am heartbroken. I just want to know what’s wrong with me. I want someone to give me a goddamn straight answer. There has to be a reason I’m alone. There has to be a reason I’ve never experienced the feeling of holding someone’s hand through the halls of my old high school, or felt the thrill of a kiss of pure love, or made love to someone I couldn’t get enough of.

    I’m young, but I’m lonely. I’m so much more lonely than I let on. Every weekend, when the house is empty, I want to cry. But I’m not allowed even that small release, I’m incapable of crying, at least currently.

    I love my family, I love my friends, but the emptiness is constantly felt. All I want is to love someone with all my heart, and to be loved. I want someone to be consumed with their love for me. I’m done being single. I don’t enjoy random hookups. All I want is to find someone who appreciates me. I want to be the one the guy will always choose. The one he can’t get over.

    I want to be happy again.

    2 Responses to I’m trying

    1. Kelsey
      September 28, 2010 at 7:11 pm

      I thought I was the only one. I am the friend that is too scared to say what I feel. I am the one in my group of friends who hasn’t been in a serious long term relationship. But I am attractive, tall, slender. I just don’t understand why it hasn’t happened to me. I am tired of loneliness too. I just want to be loved by a guy that I’m all he can think about.
      But I know I need to stop being so shy.
      And it’s good to know I’m not alone.

    2. Same here
      November 2, 2010 at 9:08 am

      You are not alone. I feel the same way. It freaks me out how much I relate to this.

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