• I feel alone.

    by  • September 27, 2010 • Anger, Friends, Frustration, Letting Go, Loneliness, Lost Love, Yearning for You • 1 Comment

    I don’t know who I can turn to.

    My friends don’t want to hear it because they’re convinced I can do better or that sometimes I ask for it. And maybe I do. I hate the idea of giving up a friendship. My heart hurts.

    Even now I’m tearing up because I don’t know who I can turn to or what to do. God knows I just want things to work. I’m tired of things not working. I’m tired of my “friends” not talking to me for one reason or another. I’m even more tired of the friends I actually have hiding stuff from me.

    I have my good days and bad days. Where sometimes I’ll think I’m OK and I don’t need him and I’ll be ok. Then there are days…like today…when I can’t imagine being alone. He does something to me that makes me feel like I can do anything. I felt like I had a life with him and I hate the idea of him not being in it anymore. But…now I don’t know if he even wants to be in it anymore. My heart just hurts.

    I feel alone and like I don’t think I have anyone to talk to and sometimes I think about how easy it would be to just run away. Just get the hell out and never look back. But then I know that no matter what this will follow me.

    We talked about leaving this city. So if I left, I’d think about him. If I stay…I’m still gonna think about him. There will always be little memories haunting me. And goddamnit I hate that he can pick up his pieces so easily and be happy. And I just sit here, bawling my eyes out over a computer in a letter that he’ll never see because I hate feeling alone. I just don’t want to hurt anymore.

    I’m so tired of fucking hurting, I’m tired of feeling like I’m losing friends left and right, and I’m tired of feeling like I’m alone. Fuuuuuuuck I hurt. And I want him to miss me a little bit, I want to be able to let go- of him, of what I thought we could have had, of the anger. Maybe that’s part of it, too. I know what we could have had. I know that if we were together we’d be happy. Why is she good enough for him, and not me? FUCK ITS NOT FAIR. I just…damnit all.

    I wish I knew how to not be alone anymore.

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    One Response to I feel alone.

    1. Angelina
      September 27, 2010 at 2:01 pm

      If I could tell you anything that you would actually believe I would but honestly you can only do that yourself. You will never be ready to be happy or alone unless you choose to be. It really is just a mind set that you will overcome. I was you a year ago and I was so crazy in love with someone that it was never going to work out with. If he does not want you, only you can accept that because he already has. I know the pain is literally unbearable to imgaine but once your going through it, it’s not so tough. My friends stopped listening to me too, they never thought I would finally let go. To be honest I just realized that no body deserves to be second best to someone that is number one to you. The journey always seems longer but once your in the middle of it you realize that your okay and that being single doesnt necessarly mean being alone




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