My thoughts have settled down since that night a little over a month ago.
However, I still remember everything that happened. Science tells me that I don’t remember everything the way I think I do, but, for once, I’m going to ignore science and reason. I know I remember everything as if it’s happening to me now.
And it hurts just the same. But it gives me hope at the same time. Every time I see your name or a photo of you on facebook, my mind instantly goes back. Small little glimpses of things that we did remind me of you. I want to call you and tell you how much I miss you and how much I love you, but I don’t and can’t. I have to sacrifice my short term hopes to make sure my long term wishes stay true. I will follow your wishes, not bother you, and let you enjoy college, no matter how hard it is for me.
I wish you were feeling this way too, but I highly doubt it. I’m afraid I barely get a fleeting thought in your mind. You said that you love me and that that won’t change and I’ll just have to take your word for it and not worry. My biggest fear is of the unknown. What will we be during breaks? How should I act around when I see you for the first time since that night? One small little reassurance would be enough for me.
I still love you. I hope you still love me. I’m hopeful that this will all work out because I can see myself with you for the rest of my life and I don’t want you to go away.