I saw you today as you came around to pick up the last of your stuff. I was looking at you to see if I felt anything for you anymore. I was checking you out, remembering the times when I used to grab your ass, put my arm around your waist, kiss your neck… just show you affection. I tried to put myself in that place again and whilst I really really miss that I have lost a good friend, I can honestly say that when I look at you, I don’t miss the hurt that you inflicted upon me.
A small part of me misses your touch, your kiss, YOU in general. You looked at me and I saw nothing in your eyes. I can see that you don’t have ANY feelings for me anymore. I really don’t think I have for you either, I just miss the old times when it was fantastic. I am ready to move on, I AM moving on. Now I can move on because I don’t have to see your stuff around me anymore. NICE!!!
When I catch up with our mutual friends, that does put me in a bit of a downer because I find out what you are doing. One part of me misses that you are not doing ‘things’ with me, but really, it’s just the past that I’m hanging onto.. it’s not reality. Reality is that I deserve someone better than you. Reality is that I respect myself more than go throuh that again. The difference is that I can completely give my love to someone; something that you are unable to do. You are emotionally unavailable. You will fuck other women, you might even form some sort of a relationship (but it won’t last because you will always walk away).
I know that in the end I will be the emotional winner. I am working on myself to better myself and I will rise from the ashes. I have already put out the flames, the embers are barely alive anymore.. I will move forward and find someone, when the timing is right who I deserve.
Good luck to you S, maybe (MAYBE) one day we might be friends again, but the moment it won’t be the case.