• Marriage isn’t in the cards?

    by  • September 25, 2010 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion, Dating, Frustration, Marriage, Yearning • 4 Comments

    I was scanning through my facebook updates today when I saw one of my old friends talking about her marriage. She’s recently wedded and seems to still be in high spirits.

    It got me thinking. So I looked through my list of friends on facebook…

    Almost every single female friend I have is either in a long term relationship that’s going strong, married, or has kids.

    They’re all the same age as me.

    And I’ve never even had a boyfriend.

    I can still remember walking into a little trinket store and talking with this older woman. We hadn’t talked for very long and it was our first time meeting. She asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told her no.

    She responded, “Oh. Well, I can tell you’re smart. That must be why you don’t have one.”

    I think I remember flinching when she said that.

    All my life when I express my frustration that every guy I have ever pursued has rejected, almost always for another girl, every female tells me,

    “It’s just because you’re smart. Once you get older and guys no longer want easy girls you’ll get one.”

    It might not be so bad if I wasn’t mathematical since that’s considered more of a guys area.

    Did you know that the world’s population is 52% women?

    That implies even if everyone was to be coupled up in the world, 1 out of 13 women would be left out.

    It’s be statistically proven that highly educated women are less likely to marry then women without any higher education by about 13%.

    19% of women with a doctoral degree never marry. That’s twice as many women as men.

    I’m not sure how to feel or what to believe.

    I do know that I have heard my male friends saying they couldn’t stand their girlfriend being more successful then them in their same field.

    It’s not intimidating when they’re successful with an English or Art degree though. They can’t be compared, too much like apple and oranges.

    I love my major. I love the math behind it. I am interested in research. I really do want to get my PhD. I am already pursuing my masters and am already starting on my research…

    I actually want to become a professor at a university. Teach and do research.

    Based on my batting record on dating (zero) and statistics, I am exceptionally likely not to get married.


    Why does intelligence make me less appealing? Or if I’m successful?

    I just don’t really understand. I don’t care how much money a guy makes. I don’t care if he’s insanely smart or has a PhD.

    Okay, I do care he has a brain. I do care if has wit. I don’t care if he’s logical or scientific. I don’t care if he’s in my field or not.

    So why the hell does it matter to guys so much? As long as we’re both doing what we wanted in life, as long as we can connect, and there’s something there…

    I don’t understand.

    There’s this girl I know. The guy I have a thing for now, clearly likes her. He had a girlfriend that he recently broke up with.

    I’ll say it now, I actually really like his girlfriend. I could see why he would date her. A bright and witty girl. I thought he had good taste.

    This other girl. I cannot stand.

    She walks around with her face in a perpetual pout. Her tone is always a whine. Everything out of her mouth is a demand for attention or a compliant.

    When she talks all I hear is “Oh, pity me. My life is so sad and miserable. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be fixed.”

    She’s the type of girl who chases away her boyfriend by constantly blowing things out of proportion to prove he likes her.

    She’s admitted it to the guy I like who mentioned it to me.

    Then she’ll cry and say how she’ll never trust a man again.

    She is always looking for a shoulder to cry on. She’s always expecting someone to fix everything.

    And she uses the guy who I like, like there was no tomorrow. She’s slept with him when she had a boyfriend who was gone because she was lonely. As soon as her boyfriend came back, she blew him off.

    She’s always running to him with her problems.

    And he always tries to fix them. Hoping one day she’ll like him.

    So I’ll ask again.


    Why do guys go after these girls who act like they’re broke and need to be fix, when in reality they’re just a crybaby who can’t grow up and stand on their own two feet?

    Why do guys avoid girls who have a brain? Who can stand on their own for girls like that?

    I don’t understand. I don’t think I’ll ever understand.

    Maybe I’ll find a guy that’s as confused as I am by guys who like girls like that.

    Wish me luck? I’ll do the same for all the girls in the same boat as me.

    4 Responses to Marriage isn’t in the cards?

    1. Renee
      September 25, 2010 at 10:38 am

      Good luck, girl. I think we’re going to need a pretty big boat, though. 🙂

    2. Christa
      September 25, 2010 at 12:54 pm

      Don’t worry. I got a PhD (not in English) and I am considered to be too smart, too tall and too loud by most men. Hell, I am even a ginger. But I still found my soulmate. Not all men are the same.

    3. future D.D.S.
      September 25, 2010 at 4:47 pm

      Christa I just about died when I saw your post. You said what I was going to! I’m too smart (about to get my D.D.S.), too tall (6’0”), too opinionated, and a ginger (though by choice so I don’t think it really counts). The longest “relationship” I’ve had was about a month just to realize that I was “the other woman”. I dropped him faster than a ton of bricks. But no worries. I am a strong, independent, and single woman. Some day I am sure that I’ll find the guy that complements me perfectly.

    4. Lauren
      May 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      I just came across this letter, although its old, maybe some advice is still needed.

      I think you are smart, but not smart enough. Let me explain, you want a man that is smart. Well, maybe he wants a smart girl, so it’s taking longer. Good things come to those that wait. and i think with the patience you have practiced that once you find a man, he will be your one. Which too me, counts up for the lonely years. Love without the heartbreak(s)….sounds pretty romantic too me

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