It’s been 5 months now. When I met her she was nothing but a face. A minor, little person whom roamed the Earth not knowing who I was or vice versa. Then one day, she came into my life and turned it upside down. All it took were a few words. We started talking, and it escalated. Although it will never turn into something, I wish she could know the extent of my love and affection.
At first, she didn’t have a boyfriend. Just a lost “love” that she couldn’t let go. She didn’t, and now they are together again. Not for the better however. He is a great guy, just not what she needs. What she needs is someone to be there for her, to cherish her, hold her, love her. Tell her she is perfect, even when she feels she is not. I know I can not give her everything she needs, but all this guy does is take, and take, and she is left with nothing for her.
I listen to endless phone calls about him doing something wrong, and her crying and asking why he has to be like that yet she goes back for more every time. Why? I will never know. I listen, and help her countless times and she thanks me and says she loves me, I just wish she wouldn’t use those words lightly. So we go on, and I hold on to it because it’s what I do. I never ask her for anything, but she continues to ask for more.
I give her what she needs because I know she’s been there, but I know that I can handle it better then she can. It’s taken 11 years of things piling up for me to get to a point where I need to talk or get it off my chest, and here I am at Letters Ill Never Send.
I love this girl, I honestly do. However, it is very unfortunate but she does not feel the same, it may seem so at times but that is not the case. It breaks me because I gave up the last 2 girls I cared about, and I swore I wouldn’t do the same here. I think I might have given her away, away to someone who doesn’t deserve her.
SJH, I love you and I always will.