Yeah, I’m talking to you again, best friend. I’m angry at you. Or am I angry at myself? Part of me wants to blame you for everything, and another part of me knows it’s not really your fault. You can’t help how I feel.
But I do know this: If you had never entered my life, I’d be in a much different spot mentally than I am now. In a few short months you managed to turn my clinical depression from anesthetized sadness to the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I didn’t even know if was possible for me to FEEL so much. I also didn’t know that it was possible for one individual to hold my attention for so long. I get bored with men so easily. A couple weeks, and I’ve moved on. But it was different with you. You have my full attention. Every thought in my head belongs to you. It’s been a year and a half and I am still riveted, despite the hell I’ve endured by loving you.
You didn’t do it on purpose (I hope), but you played with my emotions and my heart so carelessly and cruelly that I’ve locked my trust away in some dark corner. I’m with someone else now, and all I can think of is how deeply loving you has hurt me. How am I supposed to have a healthy relationship with someone when, when I close my eyes, I see your face? How am I supposed to love someone else when deep in my heart, I still love you?