You were my first real love. Over 5 years ago. Seems crazy to think about. You loved me. I only wanted what I could never have. Not what was good for me. So I treated you like garbage.
Before I could change my ways enough to counteract the history, you walked away. But I was still there. We can not talk or see each other for months, sometimes even a year at a time, yet when we do its magical. No matter where we are in life, who we’re with, or what’s happening, we can’t help but want to touch each other. Hold each other. Fall back into the love that honestly, I think was meant to be.
At one point when this was the case we could have made it work. But I was in the middle of a long relationship, you just having gotten out of one. Although I loved being around you. I couldn’t let go of what I had. You told me you liked me but I couldn’t give you the time you needed. I couldn’t help but understand.
Recently things have picked up. We’ve talked more then we usually do. But it happens. We’re still friends on things like Myspace and Facebook so every once in awhile either you’ll pop into my head, or I’ll pop into yours and a small comment or message strikes up this emotion and need inside us. To connect each other. And talk even though we know we shouldn’t. We’ve both ruined relationships we’ve had because we can’t stay away from each other when we start talking. So why can’t we realize that means something?
We’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past and we’ve had a lot of hurtful times. But after all this time and distance apart, we can’t get us off our minds. We can pretend to be happy where we are, but I know you’re still there. And you know I’m here too. Not sure we could say we were waiting, I suppose just almost wondering how much fate will come into play and make us happen regardless.
Point being. You were the first man I ever really truly cared about. I can’t get the idea of the marriage we invisioned and the kids we said we’d have off my mind. You’re about to have your 1st kid. With a girl with the same name as me. Can’t lie, I’m pretty jealous. Yet her birthday is 1 day away now. And you’re up late talking to me. I should be sleeping, yet I stay awake to talk to you while my man sleeps upstairs. It’s not even sexual talk. No “babe” or “miss you” yet we both know it’s wrong.
What’s the matter with us?