Oh, how easily you can turn sadness into anger. I mean, they’re practically the same. Am I the only person who’s done this? Please tell me I’m not at an even higher level of craziness than I initially calculated. Because I’ve given up on discerning the difference between the two when I think about you.
I miss you. And the more I think about what I should be doing, the harder it gets for me to do it.
So I made an agreement with myself. When I see you, I’m not going to think. I’m not going to think about all the things I wanted to say to you 2 months ago. I’m not even going to think about what I wanted to say to you mere hours before I saw you.
I think about you too much, and too hard.
Whether it’s the memories that we both look back and smile on, or the events that lead to this eon of silence, I can’t seem to get my head straight.
So when I see you, I’m only going to say what I want to say right then and there. Sometimes going in unprepared is the best way to figure out what you’d REALLY do in certain situations. You’re more honest with yourself when you think on your toes. Once you get a scenario in your head, and once the real situation deviates from that thought, you lose that edge that you anticipated having. Then what? People spend too much time planning. I know I have.
So I’m done planning. I’m going to see you when you least expect me, because I want you to be honest with yourself, too.