• This is Bigger Than Me

    by  • September 20, 2010 • Acceptance, Doubt, Love - Pure and Simple, Thoughts, Yearning for You • 9 Comments

    Did you write to me over the weekend? I didn’t find a suggested day or time. Maybe I overlooked something??

    I did some deep thinking over the weekend. I know you did too! I know there’s something going on in your life. Changes for the better, which are much bigger than me. Life-changing currents, which will bring you a lifetime of joy. Events which I believe God has set into motion. For me to insert myself into the middle of this…would be irresponsible. Very dangerous for us both. Even if we plan that we would simply meet to resolve or settle ourselves.

    Is it just me that flip-flops between being a good boy and a bad boy?!

    The common thread in all this, is that I fear God. There it is.

    You know that if we were not in relationships, I would like to share so much with you. I have 1000 things to communicate..verbal and non-verbal!

    Now….I could allow myself to simply go with the flow, and allow you to decide the time and place and even the possibility…but that is to put the responsibility on your shoulders for the outcome. And that is cowardly and irresponsible and would be abusive in the end.

    So I take the responsibility here, before knowing any different, and say we need to dial it back, to the standards we’ve held.

    You KNOW I don’t do this easily, or with any desire to cause you pain. A huge side of me says “GO SEE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!” Then the still small voice says..no. Obey.

    And I know that voice. It’s all I know.

    There are bigger things for you in your life. A wonderful future. You and I know each other exist, and for a season, we really enjoyed our friendship and closeness. But I am not to go on this journey with you, other than in spirit. My heart is extended to you with all warmth. But I want to see your life enriched, and explode with goodness, health, prosperity, and happiness.

    I think my involvement would escalate the confusion, and pring a real possibility of pain and bad things.

    I will be here today, and await your thoughts.

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    9 Responses to This is Bigger Than Me

    1. FlutteringHeart
      September 20, 2010 at 10:55 am

      I have been thinking the same exact thing! God moved in my life this weekend. The message at church was pushed in my face like a big red “WARNING” sign. Still so much to say but it may just have to be said here under a new name if I respond:) You’ll probably figure it out.


    2. FlutteringHeart
      September 20, 2010 at 10:57 am

      And no…I flip flop too in my old age!


    3. hugs
      September 20, 2010 at 11:50 am

      Being in agreement likely means we’re listening to the same voice. Nicey nice. I am glad to hear you sound so good. Like you’re excited for the journey. I am not sure what you meant by “it may just have to be said here under a new name”. What are your thoughts! I may not be here much after today, as I see it as a natural “break point”. But I am curious now. And want to hear what you’re thinking! Suffice to say, If you write something you’d like to convey, I think I might miss it. Uggg that hurts. Suck it up, Me! Ok. I’m OK. Big Hugs for you.


    4. Yvaine
      September 20, 2010 at 12:38 pm

      I was too busy to post anything this weekend. I have very limited time these days and so much to say!


    5. hugs
      September 20, 2010 at 1:09 pm

      I get very busy over the weekend’s too. Is there any way you can get a job out this way? šŸ™‚
      And here I am talking to myself…now THAT’s chaos…Yvaine…now surely you’re not a stranger to attraction…lol. DO you know the movie reference? Did you have a day in mind?


    6. Yvaine
      September 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm

      You work close to my Mom’s area! LOL! She may let you visit. She’s heard lots about you!


    7. katie
      September 20, 2010 at 11:05 pm

      I know this isn’t for me…but love should never wait. you should always hold on and fight for the other person. life is about making decisions. she would probably choose you over anyone or thing and that is the beauty of love.


    8. Yvaine
      September 21, 2010 at 3:28 am

      It’s very complicated:(


    9. BeautifulDays
      September 21, 2010 at 7:02 am

      How was your evening?



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