You tell me all the time that I am the sole owner of your heart.
You never let a moment go by without telling me you love me and how you wish we could snuggle up close. Its been this way for almost a year and a half now. I hurt you so much in the beginning. I was scared, and I honestly, didn’t want to fall in love. Specially not with someone overseas. But I did, and I don’t regret it, but I regret these raging thoughts.
And there are so many times when I question your feelings and intentions towards me. We are “engaged” on everything, and everyone knows we are going to get married one day…but I sill can’t help thinking that maybe this is all a game. That I will wake up one day, and this will be a great dream with a nightmare ending. That you’ll break my heart, and my spirit. I can’t live without you, you have my heart and my soul. It is all the way over there with you in the land down under. I hear your voice every now and again, and I see your big brown eyes and that smile that takes my breath away even less. I hate this distance, and I hate the time difference.
You dated her before me, and I read that letter you wrote to her, about her. I know you had feelings for her and felt she had saved your life. You told me all about her when you met her, and at that time we were only friends. And I was jealous then, b/c she had an amazing guy. One that could hold her hand. To hold on tight to her. To kiss her senseless. And then not even a week or so later, ya’ll broke up. And I was so happy. I know I shouldn’t have, but I did.
You have said the same thing to me. About how meeting me changed your life. And that maybe there is a God afterall. Of all the things you tell me, I still doubt you.
I have never met you in person, and maybe that is the problem. Air fare is so expensive, I know. You not having that great of a job, I understand, I dont have a good one either. But i would still spend every dime I saved up on a ticket to be able to come to you as soon as possible to be able to look upon your face in the sunshine. To be able to hold your hand, and see how my hand fits perfectly intertwined with yours. To be able to run my fingers through your hair as you kiss me senseless. Finally be held so tight within your warm and loving arms, that I know you’ll never let me down or let me fall. That my giving you my heart was not a mistake. The aching has never stopped, and has only grown stronger. And I’m finding it more difficult to keep going on everyday.
I lie awake at night and daydream. I daydream during the day as well. Not a minute goes by that I am not with you in my mind. Walking in the park, strolling through the mall, you chasing after me and stealing a million kisses while holding me close when you catch me. So many scenarios play through my mind. They are the ONLY thing giving me hope. It lessons my heartache and my aching little by little.
You tell me that within a month or so you will have enough to buy a plane ticket and all that to come see me. And I couldn’t be any happier. For a week now there has been a constant smile on my face. Finally I will be able to see my handsome man. Finally be able to hold those same hands that hold my heart within its embrace. Finally be able to kiss those lips I have dreamed of many nights.
But there is one catch, and I beg this of you. Don’t disappoint me. Don’t get my hopes and spirits up for them to only get crushed. Don’t let this all be a game to you.
So I guess until that day arrives, I shall continue waiting here for you. Waiting and hoping that this is all worth it. The pain, the tears, the heartache, the crushing need to be near you.
So my darling, with all that I have said, this stands true.. You have my heart, and I have yours. And I am here waiting on you to come to me. I will keep waiting on you as well. Cause I can’t imagine you not in my life now. And this is better than actually being alone.
Lovingly, Your Mango