• I’ve lost the music.

    by  • September 20, 2010 • Depression, Grief, To Everybody • 3 Comments

    It’s my last year of college, the best years of my life.

    My college years have been spent battling a friends suicide, my own depression, fighting my own attempt at suicide. I broke up with the only man I love for someone who I thought I loved. I was happy for a while, and now school started again and I am once again fighting to stop myself from driving off the road, or drinking away all the pain in my life.

    But what pain do I have? Why am I sad? My life is a dream by most standards.

    My parents pay for everything. My tuition, my car, my apartment, my bills, my food, my sorority, my credit card and even for my weekend “fun”. I’m graduating Suma Cum Laude. I’m dating a man who has loved me for 5 years. A man I couldn’t see myself living without.

    I have a family who loves me. Best friends until the end of time. A sorority that would do anything for me. A fraternity that feels the same.

    But for some reason I can’t get over this continuous sadness. I can’t eat because I have no appetite. I can’t wake up because I’m always tired. I can’t exercise because I’m continually fatigued. I can’t find happiness in anything.

    Not even my music makes me happy anymore.

    This is an anonymous note, to an anonymous group. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I don’t know what I want. I’m just tired of feeling hopeless.

    3 Responses to I’ve lost the music.

    1. B
      September 20, 2010 at 10:04 pm

      I don’t know if what I say will reach you, but no harm in trying. There are people who will always appreciate you. Always.

    2. SKwhispers
      September 20, 2010 at 10:15 pm

      It sounds like what you need is a private adventure. I went through something very similar. I started looking at online jobs in faraway places, applied, and ended up in a small town in Alaska for the summer. It was a great way to feel independent and it brought me back to life (literally). The best advice that can be given to is to take a great risk. You seem to be stuck/trapped. Get out.

    3. Ren
      September 28, 2010 at 12:21 am

      I agree. This also may sound silly but take Yoga and meditate. You have no idea how it will effect you, center you and surround you with positive energy that isn’t just layered on top like a credit card, it’s about finding that inner peace. I’m not even a religious person and barely spiritual. But the serenity and peacefulness of it all will help you find something you might be missing inside yourself. <3

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