I’m not entirely sure what changed but something did. All of a sudden, when I was away last summer and didn’t see you (a couple of times) every day I really really missed you – more than I ever had before. I missed your jokes, your opinions, your laugh, your smile, your eyes… At first I tried to ignore it because you were a friend, ONLY a friend. And I thought that because I’d rather wear jeans and a t-shirt, without makeup, and am not as skinny or as pretty as other girls, that you’d never feel the same way.
But when I saw you again I realized that I couldn’t ignore it, and hid it for over a year. I didn’t want to ruin anything if you didn’t feel the same way. Then I found out that you did, and you’d liked me for even longer than I’ve liked you. And, honestly, even though I’m 18 you’re the first guy who’s ever held my hand or told me that you liked me. I just wish you’d told me earlier so something could have happened, rather than having me find out 3 days before I left to go to university.
I miss you more than I’ll probably ever tell you, and LOVE talking to you. I miss you more than anybody in my family, actually. I just wish that talking to you didn’t make me miss you more, and that I could see you before Christmas. My biggest regret is that I didn’t do anything then and now it really doesn’t make sense to start a relationship when I’m on the other side of the country. I wish my heart could win over my head. And now I don’t know if anything will happen even when I come home next summer, I don’t know if you’ll still like me or if it would work… I just don’t know. And I wish I did.
A girl who wishes you were her first boyfriend.