• To The End of October

    by  • September 19, 2010 • Betrayal, Grief, Heartbreak, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    My lost heart,

    I got into a car accident. I had a head injury. My very best friend walked away from me after 7 years because of you. I had to take off from school. I had to go back to hell on Earth at school, and then you changed. We moved in together, and you changed. You changed and gave up right when I needed you most. You became someone who wanted nothing to do with me. You became distant, and mean, and fed up.

    I don’t know what I did to make you become that person. I loved you with all of my heart. I gave you everything I had. I gave you me completely. I put up with all of the lies and all the incidents with your “friends” that you swore were innocent but I knew better. I put up and got over it because I loved you and wanted nothing more than to be with you forever.

    The funny thing is is that everyone thought you were too good for me, when really I am too good for you. You have everyone fooled. You play this part perfectly with your charm and your good looks. I know the real you, and I think that scared the hell out of you. Your house of cards will fall eventually, and I won’t be there to pick you up. I would have given you everything you ever wanted.

    When you left because you couldn’t forgive me for the one time I messed up, you gave up on me after I had stuck with you the whole time. It hurts like hell, but I am thankful it happened. You would have made my life miserable until you found some other reason to walk away.

    I know about the virginity lie. I know. It has made this whole situation so much easier to move past because I know now that you lied to me the whole time. I think back to how things started, and how we stayed up all night talking and listening to music and holding each other until the second came to part. I wonder how you faked all of that. I guess it’s irrelevant, but it hurts knowing that I was never worth the truth. I am sure I made mistakes too and this isn’t all your fault.

    I have tried seeing other guys, but nothing feels the same. It’s incomplete and lacking. I know I will be okay eventually, I am strong enough to endure this, but I have lost myself to you. I don’t know who I am without you.

    I wonder if I will ever find someone who understands me, who makes me comfortable, and happy ever again. I wonder if I will be able to trust anyone again. I have lost respect for myself for falling for all your lies. You made me fall in love with you within weeks, and it’ll take much longer for this wound to heal.

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