Dear Object of My Naive Desire,
I would like to, how the they say,”fuck you.” (Mostly. Sometimes I would like to make love to you. If it makes you happy, we can make love all the time.)
I am a sexually frustrated seventeen-year-old virgin.
When I’m naked I lie awake at night listening to those songs that enable my dirty thoughts, and I think about you. I wish you would relieve my frustration. But I don’t know what I would do if you did.