• I love you.

    by  • September 19, 2010 • Fear, Friends, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    Dear Kyle,

    That’s all it ever was. And I always have, I’ve ALWAYS loved you.

    From that first day I met you in 9th grade. Really. All I’ve ever wanted is to have you. Three years later, you’ve become my best friend. It feels like I’ve known you my whole life at this point, or at least, I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t even remember what life was like before you, I really can’t.

    But I just have to wonder sometimes, why don’t you love me. I know you’re not attracted to be, but COME ON you’re really not that attractive either. Except for your eyes. Your eyes are the best. And you smell like heaven on Earth but your hair. Your hair is stupid. So. Just love me. I just want to make you happy. You make ME happy! Don’t I make you happy? Why have we become such good friends if I don’t make you happy? I know you know I love you, so maybe I should just tell you, but for some reason it’s hard, and I’m going to try to explain why.

    Right now, it’s like, we both know I love you and we both know you don’t love me back, so neither of us says anything about it and everything is fine. There are so many things I could say though. I could say everything, but I’m scared. That’s all, I’m scared.

    Because if I tell you then I can’t hide from it anymore. It’ll always be there. The worst thing that I can possibly imagine happening is losing you. That is literally. The. Worst. Thing. That could EVER happen to me. Or that’s how it feels. Honestly.

    I don’t think things would change really, if we did become something more than friends. It’s not that I want so much more than what we already have, because what we have is amazing, it really is. I just kind of want to know that you’re in this too. I want you to love me too, really, that’s really it. And I want you to be mine. JUST mine. Is that horrible? Does that make me a horrible person? Maybe it does, but you have to understand that every time I see you with Dana, it KILLS me. It feels like you want to have with her what you have with me, and what I wish we had and more. The problem is, she’s my best friend.

    So what am I supposed to do? I can’t do anything. I just have to suffer in selfish silence and hope you don’t love her, and hope she doesn’t love you, and hope you don’t take her to prom, and hope you still trust me as much as you once did, or at least more than you trust her.

    I love you Kyle. That’s all.


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