I still haven’t heard from you.
It’s been a few weeks since I contacted you and all I got was a drunken response. If I was in the same state of mind, it would have been fine. I would have loved hearing from you. I would have playfully replied and it would have made me happy to feel your affection, even if it was through intoxicated words. But I wasn’t. I was having a terrible day and all I needed was your familiar sense of humor to comfort me. It would have taken a 10 minute conversation with you to brighten my day.
But instead, it made it worse.
I felt sadder the next day than I had felt in a long time. The fact that you blatantly ignored me hurt so much. I know we ended on a weird note and have not spoken in a while, but part of me hoped, and thought, that what we had was not lost. Part of me hoped you would want to rekindle our friendship. I know that’s all it will ever be. We won’t ever be the same people, as much as I wish we could be.
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I threw away what could have been. I’m sorry I shut you out when I knew how you felt. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t talk to you. But I could have. I could have talked to you at any time. And now I can’t. And it kills me. It kills me that we can never have the same relationship. And it’s all my fault.
I hope you are having a wonderful time at school. I know you are. I know you’re meeting tons of new girls and treating them the same way you treated me when we first began talking.
It’s not a bad thing, you’re just being your fun, flirtatious self. But it kills me to think that you might replace me. Replace what we had. You made me feel special. I’m jealous of the girl that will get to feel that way from you. I can’t help but look at your profile. I check your relationship status to see if you’ve replaced me yet. When I see that you haven’t, it makes me feel that when we see each other again, something might happen. We might go back to the way things were.
I miss you. I hope that when we see each other in a few months we can forget the summer and remember why we were so close.
Until then, I’ll be counting the days.