You. You deserve the life you have. You deserve a controlling fiancee. You deserve that bratty little boy. You deserve her infidelity. You deserve her control over you.
After everything you put me through, you deserve it all. It’s because of you that I don’t trust. It’s because of you that I can never believe the words “I won’t ever hit you.” You were my first. We were supposed to get married, start a family of our own. You couldn’t stand the thought of me meeting people down here, gaining new friends in a completely new place. You accused me of anything you could think of. And apologized when I proved you wrong, every time.
Remember the bruises? The emotional scars? The fact that I was pregnant with YOUR child, and when I miscarried, you looked at me with a blank eyed stare? Or how about when your brother pulled me aside on that cold, cold day and told me that you had been cheating on me for a while with the neighbor chick. The one who was also engaged, and had 3 children. The one who was so sweet to me.
And then there was the other one. The one you’ve ended up with now. The one that was pregnant a week after I ended things and moved to my own place. Scared and alone in a town where I knew no one but co-workers at the age of 20. Working 2 jobs and trying to swallow what had happened. Finally getting things to a “normal” state when you called and wanted to talk.
Then we tried working things out. “We can raise the baby like its our own.” As she stares me down in the living room, telling you she wants me to have nothing to do with the baby. Looking back now, I don’t blame her a bit for that comment. I would have said the same thing.
But I know that deep down in your heart, you know you had something amazing. And you blew it. BIG time. And when your family sees me, and tells me that they wish we were still together, I know that they tell you they’ve seen me. Your grandma still hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek when she sees me.
The abuse, the cheating, the lies. Makes me so glad that the big man upstairs decided that a little one in the mix of all of that wouldn’t have been a good thing. And I’m stronger now. My friends and family carried me through all of that. And now I have a MAN that loves me unconditionally, and treats me like a princess. I have AMAZING friends. And I am almost done with my schooling, and will be doing the job that I was put on this earth to do.
And believe me, because I am stronger now, and because I have shaped to be the person I am now, if I ever have to save you or your new family’s lives, I will do it without prejudice or harmful thought. Because I am better than that. I hope you think about it someday, what could have been. I don’t anymore. I hope your child grows up to be the man that you couldn’t be.