i have been cutting. i have been thinking of killing myself.
i can only talk to you about this. i don’t think anyone else would believe me. i don’t want to disappoint anyone. you’re my ex boyfriend. you know everything about me. the bad and the good. but i dont know if it helps having you here or if it hurts. you’re there whenever i need you. i dont know it that’s a good thing. i feel like i need you too much but i can’t picture you not being here at all.
every morning i wake up and it hurts just to be awake. that isn’t your fault. you didn’t want to stop loving me and you didn’t want to hurt me. i can’t bring myself to tell you the real reason i cut.
i miss you, or rather who i thought you were. you broke me and i think you’re the only one who can fix me. i don’t want you to miss out on things in you life because mine is falling apart. you come whenever i need you but i feel so guilty for even asking. you say you have dealt with this so may times before but has anyone ever been in this place because of you? i can’t blame you. i can only blame myself for letting you in.
you told me to tell you when i was thinking about suicide. i tell you when i am but only sometimes. what you don’t know is i think about it all the time. i only feel better when you’re around and i want that to stop. i want to move on and not need you so much. i’m not at that point yet but hopefully will eventually get there.
but who knows if i will be around long enough for you to fix me.