• Who else can fix me?

    by  • September 18, 2010 • Depression, Grief, Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You, Regret • 3 Comments

    i have been cutting. i have been thinking of killing myself.

    i can only talk to you about this. i don’t think anyone else would believe me. i don’t want to disappoint anyone. you’re my ex boyfriend. you know everything about me. the bad and the good. but i dont know if it helps having you here or if it hurts. you’re there whenever i need you. i dont know it that’s a good thing. i feel like i need you too much but i can’t picture you not being here at all.

    every morning i wake up and it hurts just to be awake. that isn’t your fault. you didn’t want to stop loving me and you didn’t want to hurt me. i can’t bring myself to tell you the real reason i cut.

    i miss you, or rather who i thought you were. you broke me and i think you’re the only one who can fix me. i don’t want you to miss out on things in you life because mine is falling apart. you come whenever i need you but i feel so guilty for even asking. you say you have dealt with this so may times before but has anyone ever been in this place because of you? i can’t blame you. i can only blame myself for letting you in.

    you told me to tell you when i was thinking about suicide. i tell you when i am but only sometimes. what you don’t know is i think about it all the time. i only feel better when you’re around and i want that to stop. i want to move on and not need you so much. i’m not at that point yet but hopefully will eventually get there.

    but who knows if i will be around long enough for you to fix me.

    3 Responses to Who else can fix me?

    1. FlutteringHeart
      September 18, 2010 at 1:54 pm

      I’ve never been a cutter but understand why people do so and why people commit suicide. Their pain is greater than they can deal with and there seems to be no way out other than to cut to be able to feel or kill themselves so they don’t have to feel anymore. I used to have many suicidal thoughts on a daily basis but never attempted anything. Miraculously it has been lifted from me and I am so glad that I am here now:) I pray that someday you may find that peace whether it be through counseling, your ex, a good friend or even support here. You can’t deal with this alone. I used to feel that life wasn’t worth living for so many years and now I feel joy inside. Don’t give up. Please don’t give up! Hold on when it gets tough and reach out to someone. I will pray for you even if you aren’t religious or don’t believe in God. Maybe you do. Either way…I pray for some relief from your pain. My heart bleeds for you:(

    2. Wondering
      September 18, 2010 at 2:41 pm

      Does your name start with a K and end with an E

    3. A
      October 7, 2010 at 6:25 pm

      I am in the exact same situation that you are. He’s part of the reason I feel like this, but I feel like he’s the only one who can save me. Be strong…don’t give up.

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