I was drunk for the first time last night.
I slept with a guy I had just met.
We were safe, but I feel terrible about it. It was irresponsible, and I’m sorry you’re not the only guy I’ve been with anymore. But I’m not going to feel sorry for hurting the feelings you’ve told me a million times that you don’t have for me.
Was I supposed to keep it from you?
We’re best friends, and ex-lovers, and we know absolutely everything about each other. You know I’ve always been honest with you.
The last few months of my life since we broke up have been the worst months of my life. I thought we were going to get married, and spend the rest of our lives together, as stupid as it seems now. But after being told time and time again that you don’t have those feelings for me and that I should move on, how can you blame me for trying?
You had a million chances to get back together with me and you chose not to, and I had to accept it. I had to believe that you didn’t love me enough to hold a long distance relationship, and that you really needed to experience college life without me tying you down. It hurt but I had to let you go off to school and probably date other girls, and get to hear all about it through text messages.
Now that you admitted to having feelings for me, I can’t decide if you’re just wanting what you can’t have, or if you’re actually sincerely hurt that I was with someone else.
Of course I still love you, I can forget about it for a while but it’s still there at the end of the day. I want to tell you all this, but you’re “high, and a little drunk” and “going to do the same thing you did”.
It was a mistake, nothing about it was premeditated, and if I thought you still had feelings for me it never would have happened because I would have waited for you.
I don’t know what happens now. What are we going to do?