I’ve tried to forgive you. I really have.
A year and more since your betrayal, I’m starting to realize that I can’t. I’ll never be able to see it your way, to understand why you did what you did. I love you, still. You’re one of my best friends in all the world, and I wouldn’t give away that friendship for anything. But I can’t forgive you.
I know that it makes sense to you, what you did. He was yours first, before he was mine. He hurt you, and you forgave him and stayed friends after he left you. Then when he started dating me, he introduced us, never expecting that we’d find so much in common and become so close. When he changed, became abusive, and eventually abandoned me, he never thought that you’d stay more my friend than you’d ever been his.
But then two years passed, I was finally moving on past all of the scars and hurts he’d left behind — and he came back. And you, in all your constant forgiveness, forgave him again. For what he’d done to me. You essentially decided that all the bullshit, all the hurt, all the crap that he’d done, it was fine. You could still be friends with him, and more than friends. The two of you became lovers. My best friend and the ex who’d abused me, as lovers. I cried so hard when you told me.
How could you expect me to accept your choice? To listen to you talking about him constantly — you even asked me to drive him to the bar with us that one night, to let that asshole sit in my car when I should have been running him over with it. You wanted me to forgive him, and acted hurt when I told you I couldn’t, but he never did a thing to deserve my forgiveness. He never even apologized.
I’m glad your relationship didn’t last, that you broke it off and he moved away again. I’m glad he didn’t hurt you the way he hurt me, because if he’d ever raised a hand to you or emotionally abused you I’d have killed him for it. I didn’t hunt him down or hurt him for the things he did to me, but if he’d done those things to my best friend the world wouldn’t be big enough to keep him from my anger.
But it doesn’t change the fact that, for some reason, you forgave him. You could look beyond what he’d done to me and still find him desireable. I will never understand it, and I don’t think I ever will forgive you.