• depression

    by  • September 17, 2010 • Children, Grief, Heartbreak, Lost Love, Regret • 0 Comments

    I hate that you’re so week.

    I hate the fact that I feel like my emotions are a yo-yo. Why the hell did I stay with you when I knew you were never going to change? Why did I let you help me be weak?

    I was just 21, enough to survive anything. You were 31 you should have stepped up and been a man, but instead you still lived with your mom. Why did I not see the disaster before it hit?

    I didn’t want to go through with the abortion. I wanted you to tell me that you would stop drinking and that we could get through this together. I hate the fact that when I told you, it was in my car, because you did not have one. I hate that when I told you the first thing you said was, “Please, don’t take me for child support.”

    I was crying and afraid and all you thought of was money, which you will never have. Why would you want to be my friend on facebook? Don’t you know the thought of you makes me sick? I made a decision not for me, but for my child. How dare you feel the victim! I asked you and you shrugged your shoulders.

    I am scared that I am now 25 and every time I meet a new man all I can think is how will I tell him? I would have to tell them. What if he is my soul mate and he cannot live with my choices. I let this happen to me. I want you to know that through all of this I do not hate myself, just that time in my life.

    I wonder what that baby would look like. I am almost certain that it was a girl. I don’t believe in God, but I believe in souls. If there is only one God, just on the off chance I don’t ask for your forgiveness for me. I just ask that the soul of that baby be given to a good person and that it is happy.

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