• Dear You…

    by  • September 17, 2010 • Gratitude, Hatred, Lost Love, Self-Esteem • 1 Comment

    Dear you,

    We were happy once…. I was happy once.

    I don’t think there was ever really a “we.” I latched on because you made me feel special, wanted, loved, and every once in a while, I even thought of myself as pretty when I was with you. I looked to you for all these things because I wasn’t getting those feelings any where else.

    And in return, you never really meant to make me feel any of those things (probably because you never even knew you were doing so), but I think you just liked the attention that I was giving you — all the time, energy, and money invested in you, just to make sure that you wouldn’t get bored and leave; But you did… I don’t think you actually knew how much you meant to me, not as a love interest, not as my rock or security blanket, but as a person, a friend.

    It sucks that I “scared” you away, but I really don’t think I did. I think that you are just using that as an excuse — an excuse for what, I am not really sure (and I probably don’t want to, either), but it still hurts the same that I can no longer feel the way I once did about you.

    I am not sorry that I finally grew a backbone and learned that I don’t need to buy affection from people, that those who really intend to give it to me will do so unconditionally, but the one thing I am sorry for is that you couldn’t see past my insecurities, and my moments of desperation, to see what a great person I was, and an even better person I was when with you.

    I hate you for hurting me, but I am also grateful to you because in some sick and twisted way, you made me a better person. You made me discover a little more respect and love for myself (not a lot, but it’s a start)… so thank you.

    Whatever “we” we once were may be forgotten and gone, but I won’t, and can’t, ever forget you and how you made me feel, both then and now.

    From, Me.

    One Response to Dear You…

    1. M
      March 12, 2011 at 10:14 am

      I could have written the same thing.

      Thank you for making me realize, that I’m not the only one.
      And you’re right, I will never forget. And I’m better now because of it.

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