The sweetest dreams I kept inside this shell you called a heart
but now the sun wakes me not, the beams don’t burn my brow
where stinging memories remain intact, wanting to forget…but how?
This bitterest metallic taste that consumes where my smile lie dead
biting my tongue ever still, conforming to your wishes, your desires
yet how can I be true to myself, if I follow not my way entirely?
Is it pretentious to assume the worst in what seemed all so right
for time is ticking slowly past, the hands so loud I’m screaming
but you can’t hear me anymore, I fear t’was all a dream,
To know that molten gaze so well, I could not look away from you
like rays from the sun burning into my soul, lighting a fire that will not die
praying to a God I don’t even believe exists, God knows I’ve tried,
These trembling hands reach out to you, but words stay locked inside
this mouth that barely breathes, the tears that pass from these eyes
this is not an easy road in which myself I find,
But I pretend to be strong, I don’t know how else to be
so tired of being broken down, feeling helpless for the cause
but if it brings you happiness, I will let you mend those walls,
Damn this irony, bringing the world upon myself, from you, for you
trying as best I can to carry all this weight, without asking you for help
knowing I’d be turned away, like a lost and hungry child,
But then I remember words you whispered from those eyes you tried to hide
and I’m falling even farther away from what I should do, what needs doing
because I’m not strong enough to say the words, although I should be going,
Away from the place I find myself in thoughts when dawn approaches
the morning light stole you away, so I sleep not, and no longer do I dream
letting everything rush through at once, knowing I’l never be released……..
for the record, I hate myself for feeling this way. js but I love you more than I myself can understand….