• We both messed up.

    by  • September 16, 2010 • Acceptance, Friends, Letting Go, Sorry • 0 Comments

    Dear D.

    I was angry at you for a long time; as you know, because I ended up bottling it up and then finally telling it all to you.

    I wish I had said something sooner, and to your face. I wouldn’t have told you in a massive text like I did, if I had just decided to tell you what was bothering me. If we had talked face to face, maybe we would still be friends today.

    I would like to apologize for not talking to you about it, and bottling it up. And I am sorry for blaming you for the whole situation. We both messed up, I could have said no, and I knew the whole time that it was wrong. But I wanted you to like me back, and I thought that maybe, and hoped that maybe, you actually did like me back. Not just because I was around, and not just as a friend. But I knew, in the back of my mind that you didn’t, but I still tried anyways.

    I don’t know if I was ever broken hearted over you, because I basically accepted it would never happen. I wanted it to, but I always really knew it wouldn’t. I wasn’t angry at you because you broke my heart or anything, I was angry because I felt used, led on, and was just plain angry at myself and taking it out on you.

    Like I said, I always sort of knew. Because of this, I was angry at myself for doing what I did, and letting things go that far. I felt used, but I did let you use me, I knew better. And for that I was angry, so when I yelled that day in the text message I know I was taking out some of my anger on you, which I also apologize for.

    I know now that we probably won’t be fixing our friendship. There has been a lot of anger, and a lot of lines that got crossed. I don’t really want to fix it though, to be completely honest. You were a great friend at the time, but I feel like trying to fix it will only be going backwards. I don’t ever want to hate you again, and I worry that too many things could be brought up again, and we would be fighting once more.

    I expect to run into you from time to time, as I always seem to, especially now that you live really close to my school. But I hope you’ll one day realize, I am sorry for things that happened, and that I have long been through being angry. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do in life, and that you are happy.

    Take care.

    ~S.

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