• I need you as a friend

    by  • September 16, 2010 • Depression, Friends, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    J,

    what i am doing isnt fair to you and i know that.

    my problems are no longer your problems. yet you say i can still talk to you.

    i text you when i cut because i need someone to tell me to stop or i won’t. last night you have no idea how close i came to taking all of my sleeping pills. i asked if i could come over but you were busy and i didn’t want to ruin your night. i stopped myself from taking the pills because i thought you would blame yourself for not seeing me and i didn’t want that. i think you believe that i am depressed because of what happened between us but that isn’t it. us ending hurt but i know it was for the best.

    i want to be able to be your friend but you told me you like someone else and if you start dating her then i will stop being your friend. not because it would hurt me to see you with someone else but because you deserve to be happy. if you find a girl to be happy with i will leave you alone. i dont want to cause problems with you and your possible new girlfriend. when we first started dating your other ex called you all of the time and it made it harder for me to trust you. i dont want that to happen in your next relationship.

    i want to tell you this in person but i honestly don’t think you would care that much if i wasn’t your friend and that would hurt. i don’t want anything more than friendship with you but i don’t think you believe me. you make me feel safe and i can be myself around you. i can break down. i can cry. i can let everything out. you just hold me and tell me everything with be ok and that you are there for me. that is all i need but i will give it up if you find someone else. i don’t want to make your life harder.

    if you read this and think of me let me know in some way.

    C.

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