Last night, I got home from work. I had just worked ten hours straight without a break. I was in agony. I was tired. I was fretting about the fact I had to be up early this morning to do it again.
I had all these fears and this raw emotion festering inside me. You asked how my night went and I ignored the question. You asked me again and I told.
Do you ever wonder why I vent online in completely ambiguous formats? It’s so no one ever has to see that side of me. No one ever has to deal with the darker parts of me which are for all intents purposes, nervous wrecks.
Suddenly, all my darkness was there for you to see and you were naturally scared. For readers thinking I got abusive, I don’t get abusive. I just need to yell and it’s more often than not, focussed at my feet.
You told me to stop, because it was scaring you. Which is rich… coming from you.
I learned from you, because do you forget how many times in my child hood, you had yelled at me about absolutely NOTHING and I was forced to stand there, paralyzed by fear, unable to even MOVE?
Do you realise that my one time which I needed so sorely, is NOTHING compared to the vast amounts of nothing, you have yelled at me directly over?
I’m terrified of the negativity I have and that’s why I hide it and vent it other ways. Perhaps even try to convert it to good. But sometimes, I can’t.
I’m not perfect. I wouldn’t want to be even if I could. My imperfections are what make me beautiful… and though I will always love you, I was a little disillusioned last night.
I pray to God you don’t read this site…