• Somehow I miss you

    by  • September 15, 2010 • Confusion, Lost Love, Miss You • 0 Comments

    You were the best person I have ever known, and I have to tell you things, I should have told you over two years ago.

    I had to break up with you; I was stressed out, and exhausted. I didn’t have the energy to commit to our relationship. I need to get school done, and there are things I want to do before I get serious with anyone.

    I know other people can have a job, go to school and be in a relationship clearly I can’t, and I am sorry. I knew it wasn’t your fault but after a while, it started to feel like spending time with you was a chore, I knew it wasn’t right and I had to end it, I just didn’t know why at the time. After time away to think and recharge I did realize that the above was true and not what I told you, that I didn’t feel a connection.

    So why did I tell you that I didn’t?

    Going through my first break up was hard on me, but I pushed myself to make you as comfortable as possible, but by the time I got the words out, I just wanted to run and I did. And then you emailed me, and I felt horrible, but I had no answer for you at the time. I decided to tell you what I figured would help you move on easier, even if I wasn’t sure if it was true.

    So I started doing well in school, and I knew I made the right choice. But the few “friends” I have continue to let me down, and memories of you invade my thoughts. I still don’t know if you are always that nice, or if you were just like that to me, because you were in the honeymoon faze. Although, it was probably all in my head, I haven’t had the greatest history with men, so trusting one, and believing him to be sincere is a tricky one for me. So whenever a friend let me down, I thought of you, and how you never did that to me, you were the best friend I ever had.

    We always had fun together. Even if 90% of the time we spent together was on your couch, quietly watching movies. I really miss how you could make me laugh when you tried. Halloween comes to mind. I knocked on your door and you opened it, with fake blood all over your face and all I could do was laugh.

    One last thing I should mention, if you ever find this (and if you have any doubt, you must remember dolphin pusher! Lol) I want you to know, I miss you, I wish we could at least be friends, but I don’t want to hurt you any more. The last time I saw your face still haunts my memories.

    I want you to know I can’t promise you anything, with any luck I should be done with school by December 2012 (the end of the world?! Oy it isn’t even funny, but I laugh) but after school I will work for a year on getting my own place, get my career started, and likely take a trip, I don’t think I could be happy with anyone until all of that is done. (I haven’t dated anyone since you)

    Oh and I miss your hugs xoxo

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