I’m sorry that the only times that I thought you were good to me were the times you got me drunk.
And I’m sorry that I never really cared about your problems and how much he hurt you. You were my best friend for a very long time and I’m sorry that I friends broke up with you.
It’s been over a year now since I’ve seen or spoken to you and quite honestly things have been good. I know things have been good for you, too. To me that means that us going our separate ways was probably for the best.
But still, I miss you.
You were my sound board for everything for so long. You were my constant companion and then you were gone. I think that I’ll always miss you. You were a period in my life that meant a lot to me. And I’m sorry I wrote you a passive aggressively nasty letter, and I’m sorry I told you all the bad things you already knew about yourself. Nobody’s perfect but it always hurts to hear the truth.
It hurt when I heard the truth from you, too. I am a whore, and a drunk, and selfish. I should have been happy for you but I wasn’t. I should have encouraged you but I didn’t. I should have wanted a better life for you but what I wanted was company in the muck. I wanted you to sit and wallow with me until I was ready to pick myself up again. Maybe I wanted you to pick me up.
Either way it wasn’t fair and I was a shitty friend. I wish I could call you but I know you wouldn’t answer the phone. I wouldn’t if I were you either. But I’m hoping that because I do know you pretty well that you’ll stumble upon this one night when you can’t sleep and maybe you’ll call me.
I’d really like it if you did.