It has been a week now since we’ve talked. I guess you meant it when you said goodbye…
I’ve watched the minutes turn to hours, hours into days, and days turn into a week.. Please tell me not months, not years.. Every time I hear my phone go off, my heart races and I hope it is you- it never is.
I trick myself into thinking if I just tell myself you aren’t coming back, that then you actually will… You said you needed space and because I love you- I’m giving it. But know it’s killing me in the process. Is it selfish to still want you?.. I love you enough to let you go… But I can’t take it. I don’t know whether I should go after you, like I’ve done so many times before or just respect your wishes. I’m confused and lost because living without you- isn’t normal for me.
My anger has turned to grief.. Anxiety to Shame.. Guilt to Regret… Does this even make sense?
I wish I could find you, pour out my heart, and then move on. I hate this pain so much. I hate not talking to you, laughing, or just having that connection. What if we never get this sorted out? What if life takes us different directions? One of us dies?..
I don’t want to be standing over the casket, knowing I never got to say what I wanted and knowing that our relationship was unstable. That’s how much you mean to me.
I still need you, I still love you, and I still want you.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over this.
I miss you.