As my friends seem to pair off and get into relationships and seem so happy with each other, it makes me realize how different I view relationships and marriage from the “normal” person.
I’m never overly excited when one of my friends gets in a relationship, and it makes me feel like the only one in the entire world who feels this way. I don’t feel like there’s a point to relationships. Long-term, anyways. It’s important to have people in your life, yes, but just to have one other person who knows you inside and out…it gets scary. Unless you have complete and full trust of that person, I don’t think you can ever be truly happy with them. I could never truly be happy with anyone. This realization scares me. Not because I fear that I’ll be alone all of the time, but fear of letting everyone else around me hold me back. It’s just times like these that make me wonder why I’m even living in the first place.
I always said that it’d be stupid to have a broken heart, because someone couldn’t mean that much to you, but what I’m feeling right now is pretty damn close. And it sucks. I won’t get married, I’ll never be in a more than friends relationship, I’ll never be normal. Why can’t we all just be friends, and love each other just the same?