• Dear LOA4J

    by  • September 13, 2010 • Grief, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Love - Pure and Simple • 6 Comments

    Dear LOA4J,

    My heart aches as I read this but I know it is true.

    I want to write soooo much and I was going to call you this morning despite what repercussions there would be because I feel like I don’t understand why I still think about you so much and I need some closure. I’ve tried and tried and tried to forget you. I kick your name, your face out of my head on a daily basis. Why? Why do you remain in my heart and in my mind when we weren’t really even together? Of course I’m tearing right now for you know me.

    I am as sensitive as they come.

    I don’t want to hide anything from my husband either but I do everyday that I think about you in my mind. I love him even way more than I did four years ago. He’s a lot nicer and he’s changed. When I met you I despised him and you were an Angel who pulled me out of the depths of despair. Knowing all that…why then why does my heart ache knowing that you’ll never be able to be a part of my life? I have the same beliefs that you do and ever more so deeply than before. I pray to God all the time to help me figure out why I can’t forget you. I guess I don’t want to. I know we both have spouses and families and we both love our spouses and families. But…we have a connection that almost transcends the earthly. It is a connection that will never be broken. I guess we both have to live with that. And go on with our lives.

    I apologize for being weak in the flesh. I will have to fight this all the time. I never used to be like this until I met you. Not that it’s your fault. It’s just the connection that I feel in my heart that lights up even just knowing that you are out there somewhere. I wish there was a better solution than all or nothing. I hope you don’t mention this to your wife but if you do I’ll understand. Please just don’t involve my husband. I will answer to God on this one. My husband would not be so understanding and it would break his heart for me to talk about these feelings that I have for he knew way back when…that a part of my heart was taken by you. He wanted to be you for me. But you are two opposite human beings. I was feeling guilty about reaching out already yet it gave me some inner energy and life that I need! I’ll pray for you and your family as I have done all along. I’ll pray for myself to stop thinking about what it would have been like to experience a life with you:( God Bless!

    I really need a hug right now…

    6 Responses to Dear LOA4J

    1. srsly
      September 13, 2010 at 2:12 pm

      You speak of God as if he exists. as if he doesn’t care that you both are ruining other peoples lives. If he loved you enough, he would be with you and not be married anymore, and vice versa. Let it go. you two are starting to make me sick. If you love each other leave each other alone, cause it’s obvious it’s just sex or you would be together. Just my 2 cents

    2. FlutteringHeart
      September 13, 2010 at 11:31 pm

      We never even kissed:)So it’s not sex. Because we believe in God…we stopped before it became anything physical. But it’s not easy to stop yearning and I want to let go. That’s what I’m struggling with.

    3. RH
      October 10, 2011 at 10:28 pm

      My heart is still aching:(

    4. RavenHair
      October 18, 2011 at 2:56 pm

      Some things never change;(

    5. Angel
      October 18, 2011 at 10:26 pm

      Wow, if this were written from a male to a female I would have thought it was him. I am not with anybody now, but I was when our ’emotional affair’ started, he is still with his girlfriend. But other than that it is amazing how well I can relate. I’m no fool when it came to his feelings for me.. for us, we had an amazing, secret, emotional connection, but nothing physical which does help lessen the guilt some. Hugs from me to you!!

    6. Joy
      March 25, 2013 at 5:05 am

      Ahhh…the longing of the heart. I know this all too well.

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