• Thoughts…

    by  • September 12, 2010 • Inspiration, Love - Pure and Simple, Positive Vibes, Self-Esteem, To Everybody • 1 Comment

    I had a great childhood, the parts I do remember.

    I had great teenage years, fell in love, ducked classes, drank, smoked weed, the works.

    When they told me that I had to pick what I planned to do for the rest of my life at the age of 17 I was mortified. Everyone around me seemed to know, or play it off as if they did. I chose an area based on my personality, Hospitality and Tourism. I’m outgoing and pleasant and easy to talk to.

    First year of University I dropped out – that wasn’t what I wanted to do.

    I started to work and found I had a very keen interest in Real Estate, all aspects of it. Went to college almost completed my law clerk degree (which I am 2 subjects away from completing) – took a bit of a break.

    Anyway that was 10 years ago. OMG I can’t believe it was 10 years ago. But it was and I’ve had great jobs, loved, broken a couple hearts, broke my own, lost friends. The works of being 20 something…

    I am now approaching 27 in 2 months and my last year had to be the greatest year, period, phase of my life.

    I let go and embraced myself. I’m a relationship kinda person, flings just aren’t my thing. I read a quote on a website called stumbleupon.com (if u don’t know it check it out) it has everything and I read this quote that said “you won’t know who you are until you know who you are NOT”.

    Until the end of my last relationship I would say i didn’t know myself, I didn’t love my self as much as I should and I hated the person I became because of the relationship: jealous, spiteful, argumentative, the works and that wasn’t the me I wanted to be.

    So I ended that and started to work on myself.

    There were many sleepless nights, nights where I never thought the crying would ever stop, wondering if my mom would notice the sudden decrease in the toilet paper usage… it was alot. And for the first time I was alone…I had to deal with my thoughts. And let me tell you your thoughts are sometimes the hardest judgement to deal with.

    But I pulled through it. I changed my whole mind thought process. I made it want to think a certain way, believe in certain things and do most importantly what I wanted to do.

    I worked as a real estate agent so some days I had a lot of free time and I would do what I wanted to do even if it was just to sit, listen to music and do a sudoku puzzle with a glass of wine or sometimes a very cold beer. That’s what i wanted to do in that very moment.. and I got in the habit it doing that all the time. What did I want to do?

    For the first time I made it to watch a movie in the cinema by myself and it was scary at first, but then it turned out to be great. Just sat in silence and watched movie. And it’s great. The more I practiced doing what I truly wanted to do it became natural.

    I have no problems telling people, “No thank you, I’ll stay in tonight.” I do what I want to do.

    Soo, I say all of that to say within the past year, I have opened my mind, I am reading more, learning more and cooking more. That is my latest love…to cook. I like to look up recpies online and make them. So far my dishes are hits…so I’d love to take a culinary class or two and maybe even work in a kitchen. Who knows? 🙂

    My second love is to go to Italy. I want to go there and enjoy the food, enjoy the wine, enjoy the language. I have been inspired to do this partially due to the book, Eat Pray Love. I fell in love with the fact that she just picked up and left, cut herself off.

    I don’t want to cut myself off but I would like to go on vacation to start off with.

    So I love to cook and I would love to make it to Italy one day…

    Thanks to anyone who read this.

    One Response to Thoughts…

    1. Renee
      September 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm

      I love this letter. I hope you continue to have a good time finding out who you are, and who you are not. It’s a crazy, continually changing, frustrating, aggravating process but I don’t guess it would be called growth if it weren’t. Much love, peace.

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