I’ve scarcely ever in my life allowed myself to be truly close to anyone, call it fear, an inability to trust.
But you made me have faith in you.
You made me feel like I wasn’t alone, like I was understood and accepted. You made me show you my vulnerability. You held me all night and I felt safe in your arms. I thought it was the beginning of something revolutionary for me. So why haven’t you spoken to me since?
Maybe you’re just busy, or maybe you suddenly realize that it was some horrible mistake to be that close to me? Even if you didn’t mean it, your intimacy and the distance you placed between us since has reconfirmed all of the fears and insecurities I had before you ever happened.
All I can do is go over every detail and analyze it in my head, generally leading me to conclude that you don’t care for me as I care for you. I feel so foolish. I am fragile, and I hate that, but I need your reassurance to ease my insecure mind. I feel sick with myself for needing someone’s approval– I’ve always been the kind to encourage others to be happy with themselves and not to worry about what others think. And I’m too proud to say it, but I need you.
I wish I didn’t, but I do.