I thought, for a long time, that I was getting braver.
But today, watching you from across the room while you typed on your laptop and sipped your latte, I felt like I was ten years old again, hiding my face from my parent’s friends, blushing from a boy’s slightest glance, hyperventilating when asked to read aloud.
I haven’t felt so shy and vulnerable in years.
I wish I had talked to you. I know you heard my friends encouraging me to say something to you. I wish I had the courage to walk straight up to you and ask if the seat across from you was taken.
I’m going back to the coffeeshop tomorrow. If you’re there, I’ll say hi and smile. I’ll ask what you’re working so determinedly on. My heart will be pounding the whole time.
The scared little girl who’s been in exile for years will return to her expulsion and remain there.