• crazy how things turn out

    by  • September 9, 2010 • Breaking Up, Gratitude, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    Last summer was the best.

    I could say it was cause I met so many more people, but really the best part of the summer was getting to meet you.

    We started out as a drunk hook up but it turned into a great friendship. You were my first, that day was the first day I started loving you. You broke my heart the whole first semester of sophomore year, I cried so many times over your gay ass.

    Finally something happened and I became your booty call again, little did you know I loved you so much I could barely take it. I would hook up with other guys just cause I wanted to get your attention, but all that happened was I pissed you off ALOT.

    Thankfully December 17 I should have been studying for physics but that was the night I told you how I felt. I looked like a fool crying to you over skype, but I basically asked you out that night.

    Christmas break was great, of course, until I hooked up with c – that was one of the worst mistakes. Somehow we made it through that. Up until you broke up with me the day before the Superbowl, I don’t think I have ever been so hurt. I left for Mardi Gras and my birthday and we barely talked. You didn’t even tell me happy birthday. But when I got back to Nashville there were roses and a picture frame (broken) on my front porch. I cried, of course, cause it was so sweet. You took me to dinner the next night and then you were the one to ask me out. Of course all I could think of was yes but if I had remembered how much you had just hurt me, I wouldn’t have said yes so quickly.

    Everything was great up until spring break. That was the week we both fucked up. You got too drunk to function and hit me just out of the blue. I was shocked but I knew it was the handle you had just drank and not the real you. So I hit you back that week, just not physically. I hooked up with different guys and when I told you, I honestly wanted to go die cause I realized that my revenge wasnt even remotely close to fair. That whole week I ruined myself.

    Getting back to Nashville we kinda chilled out and didn’t hook up for a while, that’s when I decided that it would be smart if I started hooking up with someone and keep it a secret from you. But during that time we would talk for hours every night. I realized that I love you and I need to stop playing with your emotions like I did.

    We started to hook up again and always went to our same spot at the end of the park. I always thought about why you could ever take me back with everything I did but you did and that shows you are so great in every way.

    Then for some reason at the end of the school year we got into a big fight. But of course “bromorial day” was so much fun yet everything you said to me hurt me like no other. Telling me about Stuart was such a blow to me cause I thought of her as one of my best friends, but after bout our body weight in beer we made up.

    The next few weeks were great except for the fact that all we did was fight. I know it was my fault because I either picked them or gave the reasons for them. Now I realize it was such a waste of time.

    You went to Croatia and I had that scare, all I needed was you there with me but you were on the other side of the world. I started to think about what if these decisions we made were about to change everything in our lives. I knew it would ruin everything, and while you were gone I realized it wouldn’t be fair to ruin the rest of your future.

    I cried and cried bout it but then I realized it wouldn’t be awful if you were the one I would be with forever. of course being 16 I was scared shitless, but I knew what I had to do. Finally I found out that I wasn’t only the day before you got back. I convinced myself I wasn’t gonna risk that happening again and I thought the way to solve it was to end it with you. I left for New Orleans and when I got home I realized I had been so stupid because I was never going to find another guy who would support me no matter what.

    For some reason this time around started off so great, because we didn’t let what other people thought get in the way. We never really fought, until the second game when I thought I was going to lose you forever. This is what I wanted to tell you that night.

    I love you for everything you are and aren’t. You have a way of making me laugh even when all I wanna do is mope around or just bitch (like I did often). You are the only guy who doesn’t just see me as a piece of ass which I hope that’s true. I love how you would drop everything for me cause I definently would for you. I know we are both so young but regardless of how we end up there will always be a place for you in my heart.

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