Archive for September 9th, 2010

Holy shit.

Hayleybayley, you were honestly the only one who understood our family, our dad, our fucked up situation.

And I thought you were always there.

The last thing I’d expect was you to drop me and all contact with me because I made a mistake and fucked a guy. Oh, and he happened to jizz in me.

I was drunk, what the fuck was your excuse?
You’re my sister, for fuck’s sake.

Thanks for nothing, thanks for false hope.

Oh btw, out of all the people I know, you remind me the most of dad.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Anger, Betrayal, Family Stuff, Lost Love, Parents

 

I’m watching you kill yourself, mom.

I’ve been watching for as long as i can remember.

There’s a giant bag of empty wine bottles in your room. It’s about a week old.

I hate you, I scream at you, I make you feel like the worst human being alive for your taste in wine.
Red wine, you reek of it. You disgust me.

I love you.

I hate you because when I watch you, I fear I am watching my future.

I’m fifteen years old.
And my collection of whisky bottles in the last week have beat yours.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Addiction, Family Stuff, Fear, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Parents

 

I’m on edge

Every day that has passed since the day we met I have grown more and more in love with you.

It feels like we haven’t left each other’s side since our first date and I couldn’t be happier. I know you are the one I want to spend my life with, make a family with, and commit to.

You only need to ask.

We talk about all that happening someday, but I’m ready to start. Nothing would make me happier than to have you ask me to marry you. Our anniversary is coming up in less than a month and I can’t help but secretly hope you will ask me then. I feel like I am going to burst.

I want to be your wife. I want to share our commitment with our friends and most importantly our families. I want your mom to take me seriously.

I love you. I want to do this right. Please don’t be afraid, not this time. Not with this.

I would never turn you down.
It will make me so very happy.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Interested?, Love - Pure and Simple, Marriage, Yearning

 

The Mess I Made

J,

I know I shouldn’t be writing this.

It’s just opening up old wounds that have just begun to heal, but I can’t help it.

I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this, and I really need to get this off my chest

I know that breaking up was the right thing to do in the long run. I know that. I know that in the long run, we probably wouldn’t have worked out, and that it was better for the both of us. I know all of that. But that still doesn’t keep me from wishing I never did it in the first place.

I also know that you are over me. I mean, I guess I don’t know, but I’ve pretty much assumed. You’ve never given me any reason of late to think that you weren’t over me. I mean, it’s been over a month since we broke up, and you seem fine, so it seems safe to think that you’re over me. That could be wrong, but still. I know I shouldn’t say this, because in the past I was wrong in thinking that you were over me, but I get the feeling that this time it’s the truth.

I also know that I am so glad that over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been able to hang out a little and talk like normal. I’ve missed having you in my life so much, and I’m so glad you’re back in it, even if it’s nothing like it was before.

(more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Breaking Up, Doubt, Letting Go, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You

 

crazy how things turn out

Last summer was the best.

I could say it was cause I met so many more people, but really the best part of the summer was getting to meet you.

We started out as a drunk hook up but it turned into a great friendship. You were my first, that day was the first day I started loving you. You broke my heart the whole first semester of sophomore year, I cried so many times over your gay ass.

Finally something happened and I became your booty call again, little did you know I loved you so much I could barely take it. I would hook up with other guys just cause I wanted to get your attention, but all that happened was I pissed you off ALOT.

Thankfully December 17 I should have been studying for physics but that was the night I told you how I felt. I looked like a fool crying to you over skype, but I basically asked you out that night.

(more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Breaking Up, Gratitude, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

Him

Our ways were separated but then we met again.. Was it fate?

One hug on that day changed everything.

Even though there was someone else in both our lives, somehow somewhere.. it felt like I belonged to you. Why so? Tomorrow it’s going to be 2 weeks since we last talked.. you left. Did you get someone else? Did I do something wrong? I miss you aks, seriously. I can’t sleep, or when I do..I dream of you.

Please come back! i love you.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Confusion, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You, Yearning for You

 

How did this happen?

You are incredible, worth so much! How did I lose you so fast?

We used to have everything that we needed to be happy. I don’t understand how we could drift apart. It seems like all it took was a day, but on that day I lost half of my heart. that half is always with you. We used to be absolutely perfect, and now we have moved on.

I’m not sure if you feel the same way but even though we haven’t talked in almost two years, I still think of you most often of all.

I still absolutely love you. I can’t deny that, all I can do is hide it from the girls that will never be able to truly replace you.

I love you Bemo. Always…

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You, Yearning for You

 

It’s been a year…

Almost a year ago you saved my life.

I wouldn’t admit it then and I hate admitting it now.

But it’s true. When you told my parents I was cutting, you saved me.

But now you’re gone. For some reason unknown to me, you’ve come to hate me. I know your girlfriend doesn’t like me, but why do you have to hate me, too?

We were best friends. I could tell you anything and you knew me better than anyone else in the entire world. Only you could tell when I was lying and didn’t want people to know it. At times it felt like you knew me better than I even knew myself.

So how could you come to believe I’m this evil person who wants nothing but to hurt you? Because I’ve never wanted that. I hate that I hurt you.

I wish there was a chance we could be friends again. I wish we could talk like we used to. But most of all I wish you could forgive me. I truly never meant to hurt you. I love you too much to ever want that.

Over a year ago you cheated on one of our best friends with me. I’d change it if I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry. I’ve done everything I could to make up for it.

I miss my best friend.

Can this be over now?

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Forgiveness, Friends, Gratitude, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You

 

Forgotten

So I fell in love.

Bad call on my part I guess.

This isn’t something I’d normally do, but I wish you could have given me more of a chance than you did. Maybe this is partly my fault and I should have been more up-front with how I felt/feel, but this kind of thing isn’t exactly my specialty.

I think the worse part of it all is now you seem to not even care that I exist. We didn’t exactly leave on bad terms, they were fine. I was devastated but I didn’t show it to you (or anyone for that matter).

So I bring up the question of why you completely ignore me now. Seriously, you were probably the single nicest person I have ever met and I wouldn’t expect this from you.

I wish things had turned out differently.

More than you will ever know.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Heartbreak, Lost Love, Regret

 

Is it so bad to dream?

You never remembered your dreams.

That first dream I had of us gave me hope for the entirety of our relationship, but you never valued it like I did. I was a one-and-only-true-love kind of girl. You were an on-to-the-next-one guy.

I hardly understand how we lasted those few months.

I dreamt that we would last forever and grow old with each other. I liked dreaming about us. Is that so wrong?

You laughed at me, you thought I was foolish, I know you did. You still do.

And now, you’re off with the next one. I only hope she doesn’t love you as much as I did. As much as I do. She’ll have so much more to lose.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Grief, Lost Love, Yearning

 


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