First and foremost, REALLYY?! God knows why, I will never actually give this letter to you, but honestly this was a low blow.
I understand that I am a difficult person to deal with. I understand I have my scars and issues. But may I remind you, so do you. However, that doesn’t make me love you less nor does it make me want to leave. I know in May, I hurt you bad.. But, I got sober, clean, went to church, got a job- I changed my life. In July, You told me you forgave me, you let me back into your life- so for you to just assume the worst and shut me out now … is wrong.
Sure, its looks bad, maybe even questionable. But, are you here? NO! You are 100 miles away and you heard these things from other people. So you can’t judge me and assume the worst.. For the record, I’m innocent- Completely and totally innocent.
There are things I could say out of anger, but you know I won’t mean it. I guess, I’m hurt more than you understand. I’m not what I should be, I’m not who I could Be, BUT I’m not who I was. I’m not perfect, I never will be. I will eventually and accidentally hurt you again, because that’s what relationships are about. I just can’t believe you are going to throw away three years of amazing friendship. Three years of laughing till we were about to die, nights crying till we fell asleep, and moments that will forever be apart of our memory.
I love that you can just let go so easy. You can walk away from me, like its not a problem. We both came together, after our lives fell apart. We healed together, learned to stand, and most of all to trust others again. You not only became by best friend, but my sister.
I can’t let go, not matter how much I hate you right now. I can’t let go of you- not yet. Every time I try, memories flood my mind. You were there when: I preformed my guitar solo, Graduated, Got the job of my dreams, first apartment, first boyfriend, second boyfriend, current boyfriend, and when I re-found the Lord. Looking back, I can’t remember a time, which you weren’t in my life. Through thick and thin, we have been. Tell me this is only a rough patch-That you will come back. I can’t imagine life without you anymore. Do I sound like a lame person who is begging? Yes, that’s because I won’t let my pride get in the way of our relationship.
Over the past 3 years, I have put up with your: anger, hatred for my boyfriends, moods, eating disorder, un-appreciation, judgment, and interments. But, never once did I give up on you. You hurt me so much during that time. Remember when, you just ignored me for 3 STRAIGHT months, for no reason? Yeah, well I was waiting for you when you came back. You hate the fact that I love you so much. I ask you, why are you afraid? But this letter isn’t about what being friends with you is “like”. I hold nothing against you, because the past is the past. I’ve let go. So I ask you now, why wont you let go??
I still love you, but that doesn’t mean I like you right now. I’m angry, but that doesn’t mean I want you to leave forever.
So… While you’re on your little retreat in Oregon, remember who will be waiting for you when you come back. Yes, because I’m that kind of loyal person. I love YOU through thick and thin, regardless if you love me back.