I’ve been on here twice now. I know I will never be able to truly write to you what I want to say but the truth is that I can not even pull myself together enough to even write a letter that I will never send to people that I will never meet, just to be able to get it off my chest. Part of me knows I can not write it out because I don’t want to believe it, I don’t want to see the words written out and i do not want this to be a reality. Maybe the third time I come back here I will be able to face my fears of this horrifying reality. This is my first step.