Okay, here it is, your choice… it’s simple, her or me, and I’m sure she is really great. But Jacob, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you.
You know that one boy that you can never get out of your head? The one that seems to relate to everything you do. Every song. Every word. The one whose name is mentioned and your face lights up? Yeah, that’s you. Sometimes it hits me out of nowhere. All of a sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushes over me & I get discouraged & I get upset. & I feel hopeless, sad & hurt; real hurt.
I would be completely lost without you. We’re going to make it through these rough times and forget about the people who don’t matter over time. And in the end we will have all the important people and have gotten rid of all the bad ones. We aren’t fake and that’s all that matters. We know who we are and what we stand for. And I feel bad for everyone who doesn’t. I just think for some people it is impossible to learn. But we just gotta keep true to who we are and not let them get us too down. Because they don’t know our lives.
I guess what makes me different from most girls is that I’m not the type to squeal all over you and I don’t ask for your attention at all times. I know what I want and I know how to get it but I don’t hurt people along the way. I can be a bitch but I’m also a weird, obnoxious loser, but hey, that’s the truth in me. I guess you can say I’m complicated, but I’d rather be difficult than easy any day. I can be hard to figure out at times but if you know me, I’m not that much of a confusing person. So why don’t you actually open up your heart instead of just your eyes and take a look at me? For so long I’ve kept feelings inside and I was happy not knowing what it’s like to let them out. I built my walls and they were unbreakable, I saw everyone around me get cheated and deceived and decided that I wasn’t going to bother with love. It’s been like that all my life & that was okay, it’s what I wanted. But then you came, at first I refused to give in. You forced it out of me, forced me to love you. And now my heavy heart is letting you take it all, I cant stop loving you now. Don’t throw this away…
I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you. How good you look when you smile. How much I love your laugh. I day-dream about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversation; laughing at funny things that you said or did. I’ve memorized your face and the way that you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine. I wonder what will happen the next time we’re together, and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure; you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
Look, I guarantee that we’ll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point, one or both of use will want to get out of this thing. But, I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you’re the only one for me.
This time, I’m really hoping things turn out right. Because, I’m getting pretty damn tired of things turning out wrong. And you know what? I’m ready to just close my eyes and jump. Hopefully I land on solid ground, but if I don’t, at least I can say I was tough enough to make the attempt.
If there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must remember: you are braver that you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart I’ll always be with you.