I remember when I first met you. It was December 28, 2009 and I thought you were the ugliest and filthiest thing that ever walked the planet…well maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration…but you get my point. When I first laid eyes on you I never thought that I’d feel the way that I do now. It’s funny how we met. You live right next door from my best friend that I’ve known since I was 4. That night when I saw you at the movies I didn’t even give you the time of day. YOU on the other hand thought that I was the “most gracious and beautiful girl that walked the earth.”
We soon became friends…ACCIDENTALLY. Then we began texting everyday…and then those texts turned into late night phone calls every night…and then those phone calls turned into meeting up all the time to hang out. We became best friends. I told you everything. EVERYTHING. You knew about my past. You knew about my present. Hell, you even knew about my future and what I wanted it to be. You became my crying shoulder….and then one day when we were on the phone you told me you liked me. I remember being speechless. I didn’t want to say anything because at the time I had a boyfriend but lowkey…I liked you too. I thought you were the most amazing guy and you made me happier than ever. I remember telling you that even though I had a boyfriend at the time I knew one day we were going to be together.
So, time went by. Slowly but surely. Months and months past. And our friendship continued to grow. Pretty soon we were both single….and that’s when it all started. I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday. It was sometime in the beginning of May. Boy, was it amazing. I still remember how you were a bit shy to kiss me but when we kissed it felt so right…and I can just remember you kissing me like you meant it. It wasn’t just any old kiss. It was a kiss of a better tomorrow. A kiss that gave me hope. Hope that one day we would happily be together….and that day soon came on June 23, 2009.
I remember that day I felt like the happiest girl in the world. I felt like I could fly. I felt like I was floating on cloud 9 and I never wanted to go back down. I felt like I had woken up in a dream. You had now become my prince charming. The guy I always dreamed of. I remember one day we were both on the red line together on our way home and it was a hot summer day. The sun was shining..not a cloud in the sky and we had just came from the beach. I remember being on the train that day sitting next to you…looking into your eyes and then slowly starting to cry. You asked me why I was crying and I told you it was simply because of how much I really love you. You held me in your arms so gently that day and then told me that you would never hurt me and then gave me this drawing that you created of me. I loved that drawing. It lit my whole face up.
There are so many memories that we shared together that I still keep to myself to this day. I remember being on the phone with from night time until the fucking sun came up PLANNING OUR LIFE AND FUTURE TOGETHER. We talked about everything. Kids, marriage, life, people, college, our parents, love, etc. I remember when you got down on one knee and told me you wanted to be with me forever. That day I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Like no one could touch me. Somehow I knew in my heart…that it was gonna be me and you against the world forever and ever and ever….
But I was wrong….the love between you and I started to fade. We started to fight all the time over the pettiest shit. It became a daily thing. I remember crying myself to sleep every night. Everything just suddenly became an emotional roller-coaster with you. Everything was so UP AND DOWN. You didn’t even look at me the same way anymore. You didn’t even say, “I love you” the same way anymore. Things just changed. YOU CHANGED more than anything….we took a break….and then I started cutting again. And that’s when you broke up with me. December 10, 2010 is the day you broke up with me. December 10, 2010 is the day my heart shattered into pieces.
It’s also the day I stopped cutting. I have yet to cut since December 10, 2010. Cutting is the real reason why we broke up. No one knows that. I guess I just couldn’t handle the fact that you were “falling out of love with me.” But I haven’t cut since that day. I kept my promise. And I always will. You’re the only person on this planet that knows absolutely everything about me. I was closer to you than anyone else. You were my everything. You were my heart. But, even though you’ve caused me a lot of pain after the breakup you also caused me a lot of joy in the past. And I learned a lot from you. You taught me that nothing last forever. And promises are meant to be broken. You taught me how to love myself.
Thank you. I’m a better person now.
I just have one question….why wasn’t my heart good enough for you? Once again, thanks for the lesson learned.