• Left to understand something that can’t be understood.

    by  • September 8, 2010 • Friends, Grief, Heartbreak, Hope, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    I miss you. I’m not just saying that to hear myself speak or even because it would be a polite thing to say. I truly miss you with everything I am. No matter what happened, I’d still let you back in my life, no questions asked. It never seems to get better… You would think after a while it would. It’s been months; the memories aren’t fading, it’s not hurting any less. I still cry myself to sleep, it still hurts when I see HER, or when I see your sister.. I still can’t bear to listen to some bands or songs because you either introduced me to them or sang them to me… I miss that. Oh, god. That was the best part of my day, every day. Always. Don’t you remember when you called me every SINGLE night? Do you remember our inside jokes? Don’t you remember the places? How about the pictures or the days when I was on vacation? Do you not remember the night you biked to my house in the pouring rain at 3 in the morning just for a hug? How do you fake that kind of friendship, that kind of love? I’ll never understand how you were able to leave me so easily. Or why you called me such horrible things when I was nothing but a great friend to you, and would have done ANYTHING to make you happy. I even was going to give you my virginity… when I didn’t want to. But I wanted to make you HAPPY. I didn’t deserve that. You could have at least given me a reason. A reason why you wanted to hurt and leave me. A reason why you would fake suicide to get me out of your life.. I remember us sitting in the movie theatre, watching “Nightmare on Elm Street”, (Only because YOU wanted to go… I never wanted to see it, but you were so excited to, so I took you) and us holding hands and cuddling for the first time. The feeling, the warmth, the butterflies you gave me… We might not have made it far together, but it would have undoubtedly been one of the best times of my life. I miss having you to talk to at any given hour. I miss you being one of the only people to understand how I feel.

    And even though you’ve done this to me, all these things that nobody will ever truly feel the pain to except me, well, I still think to myself:

    “What is it that I don’t have?”

    I’m still hoping and waiting for you to come back. I’m living for that day.

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