There is no other outlet but here. I need to get this off of my chest. I have been holding this in for too long and it is eating me alive. I love you more than words can describe so how could I cheat on you? More than once! With your best friend, my best friend, and a random person. It happens throughout all of my relationships and I don’t understand. I thought I wouldn’t do it this time, I thought u were different. There has to be something wrong with me. Why can I not stay faithful? I wish I never did any of it. Because each day is a torture. I wish I could say I didn’t cheat to your face and be telling the truth.
I’m so sorry, and now that I have done this I don’t trust you! What irony. I hope this isn’t the reason why I feel like our relationship is going nowhere lately. But its been so long since this has happened! I wish I could do all the things I want to do and then get back with you and get married and have kids.
But I can’t have my cake and eat it, too. I am not even sure about myself! I have fantasies of being with other girls and watch lesbian pornography. Nobody knows these dirty little secrets. I’m so confused with myself but I know I want to be with you in the end. I wish there was I way I could experience all of the things I want to experience while keeping you mine at the same time. But I know there isn’t.. someone tell me what to do.