I tell you I need to talk to you. What I really mean is I need to see you. When we are in the same place I feel alive. You have hurt me so much but I still love you. I don’t want to anymore but you can’t help who you fall in love with.
I never understood why you were with me in the first place. You told me you loved me after 2 weeks. I was afraid to be honest with you. I didn’t want to let you in. I didn’t want to get hurt. I couldn’t help falling for you. You weren’t perfect and neither was I. We fought and yelled and said hurtful things to each other all of the time. That was what everyone saw. That’s all my friends and family saw. But what they didn’t see was what happened after the fight. You would just hold me and tell me that you loved me and said I would always be your babygirl. You have no idea how much I miss that.
I miss everything. I miss waking up in the middle of the night and having you there with me telling me everything is alright and that you are there to keep me safe. I miss being able to tell you things. Just random little things like how I fell up the stairs on my way to class today. You would have given me a look that was half annoyed and half amused. I miss that look.
When I see you now i can’t even look in your eyes without feeling the pain. You are still the same old you except the way you look at me changed. You look at me like I’m your friend instead of the girl you love. It hurts so much to look you in the eye I can’t do it. I want you to look at me the way you used to. I want to wake up in the middle of the night with you next to me, holding me, telling me I am safe with you, that I will always be safe with you. I you to hug me and when I go to pull away you hold me tighter. I want to kiss you and have you kiss me back. I want to lay down in bed with my head over your chest so I can hear your heart. I want to wake up in the morning and see you.
But most of all I want you to want me as much as I want you.