• Babe, Always Be Mine

    by  • September 7, 2010 • Guilt, Jealousy, Love - Pure and Simple, Sorry, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    Dear Babe,

    It’s already been over half a year since we’ve met on the internet and we’ve been together. It seems so surreal how fast we’ve fallen for each other after only a few days we met on the internet. We connected so easily. I felt like a little school girl who just met a really famous and hot celebrity. You made me the happiest woman in the world because you’re all I ever wanted in a man. Until now, I still feel like all of this is just too good to be true. Because I know you are the one for me, the only one who loved me no matter who I was or what horrible things I did in the past. Or no matter how complicated I am. You’re the only man who’s ever respected me, cared for me, and treated me the way every girl wants to be treated. You give me more affection than any other man has ever given me. You do everything for me, more than I can ask for. I’m so comfortable when I’m with you, I feel like I could talk to you about everything. I can be myself and laugh about the most randomest things when I’m with you, and you would laugh with me too. We’ve been together through it all. You’ve been there for me, through the good times and the bad, and supported me. I want to be the only one for you, your everything. You tell me I am. I want to be with you all the time. And we’re together almost every day. We talk every day via phone, im or msn.

    But I constantly get upset over little things that will interfere or prevent me from seeing you or having less time with you or from talking to you on the phone. I get jealous of your ex girlfriend from time to time because it reminds me that you were in love with another girl other than me. I also get jealous of your friends who are female, especially when you hang out with them because I feel you’d find more happiness with them then you would with me and that you would rather be with them than with me. Even with your guy friends sometimes I get jealous, for similar reasons, as ridiculous as it may sound. I want to be the only one you’re happy with or the only one who makes you happy. I know I’m being selfish, and I’m just hurting myself, for thinking such things. And I’m also hurting you and treating you badly sometimes because of all this. I sometimes become so emotionally destructive towards you. I’m starting to care less about what you want or need. But I want to be the only one who will love you. I only want you for myself. I know I’m being too clingy and obsessive. To the point that it is getting very unhealthy for me. That I’m getting so sick and tired of it, that it hurts. That I can’t handle it. And after all this, you try so hard cope with my borderline personality disorder and help me cope with it too with the dialectical behavioral therapy. And yet, I’ve been so hard on you after all you’ve done for me. I feel like I’ve asked for too much. I feel like such a horrible person to you. I feel that you deserve someone better, someone who will unselfishly love you, care for you, and support you through it all. You said you needed your space. But maybe it’s not you who needs space. Maybe it’s me who needs it the most. I’m sorry I haven’t been trying hard enough to be the girl you want me to be. I fear that I might push you away from me or lose you because of the way I am.

    I’m sorry that I love you, so selfishly.

    But I’m still trying my best, babe. I know I can do this and overcome it all. For you. Because I would do anything for you.

    Always,
    Your Sweetpea

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