• Secret love

    by  • September 6, 2010 • Frustration, Hope, Interested?, Love - Pure and Simple, Sex, Yearning for You • 1 Comment

    It’s been over a year of this game we play. Cat and mouse, back and forth.

    You have yet to say you like me, let alone love me. If you only knew how I want to express my feelings for you, TO you. I want to say that I would do anything for you. I wish you could understand how much I want to take you out in public and feel normal about us being an US.

    I wish you would do something wrong, or say something mean. I wish I had a reason to even try and stop loving you. You make each day worth living, knowing that you’re in my life…but I just wish you’d stop these games.

    Stop hiding. Stop being so afraid. Religion and family keep you from being yourself, and after a year of knowing you, I think that it’s time for you to start the process.

    I want you to stop being so afraid so you can text me and call me sexy and be flirty when your drunk. I want you to stop ignoring my texts because you’re around your friends and family. I want you to acknowledge me as a part of your life.

    I doubt how you feel about me every time I’m with you, and I just wish you would tell me to my face. Actions don’t always speak louder then words…and I need to hear you say it soon. I don’t know how much longer I can play your games without feeling the love back.

    You slept with me moments after hearing I could be infected, and that must mean something. Thankfully doctors are idiots, but you didn’t care either way. I know we have our issues in bed, but one doesn’t come back time and time again for mediocre head and a monthly ass to fuck. I know I lose my cool, but you’re in my fucking head. Tell me you like me my problems will go away. You say you want to fuck, yet you are falling back into old habits. Stop running. Stop hiding. Stop being so afraid of other people’s judgment.

    I know I don’t believe in the same things as you, but that hasn’t been a problem. We never fight, we never argue, except when I try to talk about sexuality. And even then you never raise your voice or get angry, you just deflect and change the subject.

    You are beautiful, yet you hide. You hide behind your vast trivial knowledge, humor, impersonations, and ability to quote any movie or tv show. You hide behind a vapor of pot smoke, and I let that foggy blanket envelop me as well.

    Your time is running short. It’s been over a year since we met, and over 10 months since we fucked on my neighbors couch.

    You started to open up in April and then you freaked out and vanished. I felt heartbreak for the first time. I played it cool with you (more or less) but you don’t know the pain I felt knowing you were gone…for what I thought was forever. I lost my best friend because of the way you treat me, running, hiding, driving me crazy.

    But things are changing, and I have hope. You come over more and spend time with me. You show you care…and I hope I’m not reading signs that aren’t there.

    I just wish you would tell me how you feel. Open up to me and stop being so afraid. I’m not a bro to smoke and fuck around with…not after a year together.

    I know I’m more then a fuckbuddy, even if you want to convince yourself otherwise.

    Tell me you like me. Tell me you think I’m sexy. Tell me you want me. Tell me you think about me. Tell me you’re horny in the middle of the day. Tell me anything to make me feel ok about all this.

    Prove to me it’s worth the wait…

    …because I can’t wait around forever.

    One Response to Secret love

    1. Chris
      November 5, 2010 at 12:13 am

      I feel your pain. Stick in there and just trust in yourself. If he isn’t ready for things to happen just hold on a little longer. You will know when enough is enough and from the look of it you should give it some more time.

      good luck

    Leave a Reply