It’s been five years since we were done and to this day you are still the first and last thing I think about each day. I feel more lost now without you than I did when we broke up. You were my complete opposite that always was able to keep me calm just by your presence, I miss that more than anything.
When we called it off I would tell myself that I was in love with the “Idea of love” but that was my attempted mask to cover all the built up anger.
I hate you for leaving, going on with your life like you did, and I still can’t believe it was that easy for you. I ask you to marry me the night you left cause I was sure we could have made it work, I was willing to do anything.
We barely talk now, even though we always promised to be friends afterwards. You never attempted to call or try…it was always me. We talk every year on each other’s birthday through text because we cannot handle hearing one another’s voice, I miss your soft voice with so much comfort in it.
The last time I saw you was new years of 09 and after all the years we were together that was the first new years we spent together, and got my first new year’s kiss from you. Do you remember that, the peck, the touch, the feel, the thrill? After that the distance killed us again, our talking, our love that was still there.
I have been with countless others since you left five years ago, and not one has ever been able to give me the rush like you just from your touch. I am afraid of love now, sabotaging any decent relationship I might be able to start. I open my heart to no one, I am cold and bitter, I have become an ugly human being inside. I hate myself for letting it come to this. I loved you more than I ever showed and you will ever understand.
You were my first, and the one that got away. I loved you, I still love you, I will always love you….no matter how much pain is involved.