A part of me hopes you will read this and know it was meant for you but I honestly doubt you will and that gives me the freedom to write everything I feel.
I will never send this to you for so many reasons. I don’t want you to feel guilty about what happened between us but it really needs to end. I need you in my life but I can’t have you in it ever again. It doesn’t make sense but as long as we are still friends I will always want you and I need to move on. I don’t blame you for it ending. You can’t help that you don’t love me anymore but I still can’t look at you without feeling so much pain and hurt.
What makes this even harder to do is that you are one of my only friends. I can tell you anything but it needs to stop. I am not strong enough to stop. It needs to be you. Tell me you don’t want me and that you never will. Tell me I am a terrible person and you can’t ever be my friend. I won’t be able to let go unless you do it first. I want you to see this and know it’s from me but on the other hand I’m terrified at what will happen if you do. When I think about not seeing or talking to you ever again I feel like I can’t breathe. It hurts so much even to think about I can’t imagine what it will be like to live it but that’s what I need. I need you gone and out of my life so I can be happy again. The reason I have been depressed is because of you. I want you and you don’t want me.
I understand that but I just can’t bring myself to let go. I changed everything about myself for you and lost all my friends because of you and I still can’t bring myself to hate you. I want to hate you so bad. It would make this easier for me but as much as I want to and as many reasons as I have for hating you I can’t bring myself to do it. I will always care about you and I will always remember how much we loved each other at one time but that time is over.
Let me go so I can live my life.